Be forewarned, this rant was written at around 3 or 4 in the morning, so if bits and pieces are a bit off-track, well…tough shit.

By now, you’re probably not only aware of the “Westboro Baptist Church,” but you also probably hate them…to an extreme. Well, I have some bad news for you. That’s what they want, and you’re giving it to them, day after day. See, WBC is not really a church. The members of it’s “congregation” don’t really believe the things they say. They just know how to push your buttons, regardless of who you are, and they’re so good at it, they can make a profit doing it. See, what you probably don’t understand is, Fred Phelps, and the group surrounding him, are not insane religious whackjobs. Phelps, along with 11 of his 13 children, are lawyers (though Phelps himself is now disbarred), four of which currently run Phelp’s 46 year old Civil Rights law firm. The Phelps-Chartered Firm was actually one of the most tenacious firms at fighting against Kansas’ archaic Jim Crow laws, actually earning him an award from the NAACP in the 80s, shortly before his disbarment.

“So what,” you say. “Being a lawyer doesn’t give you money if no one hires you.” This is true. However, plenty of people hire the Phelps-Chartered Firm: the Westboro Baptist Church. See, the same people running the firm run the “church,” and the “church’s” favorite past time is pissing off everyone they can think of in order to illicit a response, one which is often times violent, and is almost always a violation of their Constitutionally protected rights to free speech and freedom to protest. They legally insult you, you get mad and illegally assault them, and they sue you, and more often than not, they win. By invoking a United States law often referred to as the Civil Rights Attorney’s Fees Award Act of 1976, Phelps-Chartered is entitled to a 100% reimbursement of legal fees from the person either suing or being sued by the WBC. For instance, if the WBC had picketed your family member, who was a former Marine killed in Iraq, and you sued them, they would then win the lawsuit, as protests are constitutionally protected, and by invoking the Civil Right’s Attorney’s Fees Award Act, you then would have to pay them for their trouble. Think I’ma making it up? This poor father sure doesn’t.

But that’s not all. Every time they do an interview, even when ol’ Shirley Phelps-Roper, who holds a Juris Doctorate from Washburn University, looks crazy as hell, she’s still getting paid to do the interview. They all also receive payments for public speaking engagements. Do you now see what your hatred is doing? It’s paying the Westboro Baptist Church to piss you off. Every time you try to counter-protest them, you’re helping their cause. Every time you go to their website to see just how awful it is, you’re putting money in their pocket. The American public is WBC’s and the Phelp’s biggest supporters. Now, that’s not to say that everyone in the church is full of shit. There are probably several members outside of the main group that really do buy into it, just like there really are people who believe we have alien spirits inside of us and that the Earth is a giant disk with 20 ft walls of ice around the edge keeping all the water in. But those in charge of the operation are simply great at trolling just about everyone in the world.

So how do you beat a group like that? It’s very, very simple. Lose interest in them. Completely. If you don’t watch when they’re on tv, they won’t get their interview money. If you don’t pay attention to them and go to their website, they won’t get their advertisement money. And when you don’t fight irrational hatred with violence, or try to circumvent the laws of this country, they won’t get their lawsuit money. In short, you have to quit caring. We in America like to think that life is always fair, and that fairness will always work itself out, but it doesn’t. Sometimes you need to do it yourself. So ignore the WBC, ignore the Phelp’s. When they decide to picket comic conventions, ignore them, and go enjoy yourself. When they picket a famous musician’s funeral, think how funny he would have found the notion, and let it go. Because until you do that, WBC wins, and will continue winning, with no end in sight.