This review contains no spoilers. Read with no risk.

Cop Out is the touching story of two detectives that must overcome their differences in order to stop a notorious drug dealer from expanding his empire. Oh yeah, and Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan are in it, and they fuck up the other guys’ investigation

I kid, I kid, but in reality, the movie is funny. Rather than being your typical buddy cop movie, where two unlikely partners are paired up within the first five minutes and have to bond, the movie opens with their nine year partnership anniversary, and, though they fight throughout the movie, you realize that they truly like each other, and act accordingly several times.

Personally, Anna and I loved it. The action was pretty good, the moving had good pacing and never really felt boring, and, unsurprisingly, the movie was funny. As hell. There were maybe three or four times I ever stopped laughing throughout the movie. It was uproarious. Many of the jokes I was able to predict the punchline, ending, or twist, but in each case this wasn’t a disappointment. It was just a confirmation of what I found hilarious.

What’s that? You want a simple way to know if you’re going to like Cop Out? Well, you’re in luck, there’s a good, simple way of figuring out whether you’re going to like this movie or not. Really easy. I mean ridiculously easy. Okay, here it goes. Name the movie that this quote comes from.

Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?

If you said “Toy Story,” congratulations, you’re a dumbass.

If, however, you said Mallrats, then congratulations, you’re going to like Cop Out.

Now, I know this isn’t the best litmus test. You can like Mallrats and possibly hate Cop Out, and you can like Cop Out without having seen Mallrats, but I’m here to tell you that you will be the exception.

“But Nick,” you say. “I want a number score!” Well, fuck you. And fuck the critics who both feel the need to rate according to a number or letter grade and do so poorly. Fuck you so much that I’m going to give my numerical rating in fuck-yous.

Cop Out gets

fuck yous out of five. Go see this movie.